I was recently judged for being … wait for it … too judgy. I was beyond upset and angry because what I said I had not meant to be taken as a judgement. Once I got past the intial pure anger, I sat to try and analyze exactly why I was so upset. And I realised that it’s because I do my best generally to not judge – as a mom there are so many choices to make that it is impossible to not be judged by someone, somewhere. However, I made the conscious choice to not judge other moms – this momming business is hard enough as it is without having to worry about what other people are thinking. In my household there are two people who have a say in how our child is brought up – and that is the two people who are her actual parents.
Let’s think about it for a moment. Whether you choose to vaccinate or not, to breastfeed for four years or formula feed from birth, antibiotics or homeopathy, co-sleep or CIO – no matter what choice you make, you make that choice because you believe it is the best for your family. And that is what makes you a good parent – choosing to do what you believe is best for your family. And that is the only thing that we should think when we see someone doing something different to the way we might have chosen. We shouldn’t think “I can’t believe they did that!” or “I would never do that!”. Instead, we should be training ourselves to think, “Look at that parent doing their best. Good on them!”
I am aware that this is not easy. And in my introspection I came to realise why it’s so hard not to judge. It’s because when we see someone doing something different to us, we believe that we are being judged. We imagine that others are looking at us in disgust and saying to their partners, “Do you see what she did? I would never do that!”. But chances are that the only thing that person is thinking, is something along the lines of, “Do we have milk at home? Did I forget to pack my kid’s lunch today? Is that a hole in my sock? What on EARTH am I doing for dinner tonight?” You know – the same things we all think, every day. And if they are judging – well, that’s actually on them. Not on you.
So are you choosing the best that you can for your child? Well done! Give yourself a hand. No seriously. Look around you right now, look at your child. Are you proud of him? Does she make you smile? Then you are doing a good job. Well done you. Stop worrying about what other people are doing, and ignore those who are worrying about what you are doing. We are all in this together, and we are all doing the very best that we can.